Paul and Elayne Eunson Part 1

The Bridge Inn in Ratho was the location of our wedding.  I booked a room for the 15^th for Lisa, My Maid of Honor, and Amy, and I. They gave us a late checkout so we could use it the day of the wedding to get ready in, as well as store our things in during the wedding. 4 days before the wedding Paul was told he was going on the 3 day Skye tour which neither one of us were too thrilled about. I can’t drive here, nor do I really know my way around and cab fare isn’t inexpensive, and with so much still to do before the wedding I was a bit nervous about how everything was going to get done.

I have really wonderful friends here though who took me everywhere I needed to go, and helped me get everything ready the last few days. Paul took Amy with him to Skye, so by the time they got back, Amy was exhausted and just wanted to sleep in her own bed, so it ended up just being Lisa and I in the room, which was probably better anyway as we were up late redoing the seating chart, and rewriting out name cards, doing our nails, and facials, and trying to glue a kilt onto my cake topper.

I guess super glue doesn’t work on all materials. I succeeded in gluing my fingers together, gluing my fingers to the cake topper and accidently gluing the bride and groom to the night stand in the hotel room, but I never did get the tartan to stick to the bride and groom. Lisa included this in her toast telling Paul that I’m a lot of fun and that he was definitely in for an adventurous life with me.

The next day began very leisurely with us waking up at 7:30, heading down for breakfast about 9, having a wonderful Scottish breakfast (1 egg, baked beans, 1 sausage link, 1 piece of Canadian bacon, black pudding, haggis, a fried tomato, a fried mushroom, and a potato cake)

It was delicious. We headed back to our room where I burned a picture slide show onto a DVD to be played at the reception, and also burned the wedding music onto CD’s. Lisa and I went down to the canal boat to do a sound check, and make sure things were set up the way I wanted, we practiced walking in time down the center isle, and adding a few last minute touches here and there, before heading back up to our room at 1:00 to get our hair done.

The day was pretty cloudy, with bursts of rain throughout the day, even so, it was really beautiful out.

The canal boat we were married on

Unfortunately, even with the clouds and rain, it was exceptionally hot in the room. People in Scotland don’t have air conditioning. They open their windows. We had both windows open, but even still I was sweating so bad that I couldn’t put my makeup on. I tried calling the front desk several times, to see if there was anything they could do about it, and finally Kirsty, the wedding coordinator at the Inn brought us a small fan which enabled me to put makeup on and get into my dress.

Meanwhile, Paul brought Amy by a little after two so she could get her hair done and get into her dress. She was just the sweetest thing.

 She was so excited about everything. Excited about getting her hair done, and excited about wearing her dress and her shoes, excited about her flower girl basket, and her new jewelry, she was just all smiles and giggles and she wanted to help with everything! I'm so lucky to have such a sweet little girl in my life.

With only an hour until the ceremony Lisa suddenly asked why our flowers hadn’t arrived yet. I myself hadn’t thought about it, but they were two hours late with our bouquets at this time. Lisa phoned the florist, who said they had delivered them at two, but no one was home, so they left them with a neighbour.

Now, I tried to remind myself that the purpose of this wedding was for Paul and I to be legally husband and wife. That was the most important thing, because all of the legal stuff had been taken care of, at least that would be accomplished, however, upon hearing that they had taken the flowers to the billing address and not the wedding sight, I was pretty aghast!

Lisa said “We’re at a hotel, there is someone here 24 hours a day. What do you mean no one was in?” The person on the phone replied, “Wait, is the address 27 Baird?” and Lisa said, “Yes.” The florist said, “Oh. We will have them to you in a half hour.” They literally arrived just as we were heading out the door, to go down to the boat. When they did arrive, I thought they looked beautiful. They were exactly the color I wanted!

This is my bouquet with my Something old - A picture of my grandparents on their wedding day. They had the most amazing marriage... the stuff movies are made of... I thought it might be a good omen to have with me. Something new - my lace shawl that everything is sitting on, my something borrowed: A lace garter from Lisa, and my something blue: a Scottish flag cuff link.

Finally everyone and everthing was ready, Lisa was lovely in her dress, Amy, looked like a princess in hers, Paul looked AMAZING in his kilt,  and waist coat, and Jason looked very much like a handsome pirate in his ghillie shirt.

Everyone made their way down to the boat, and the ceremony began!

Paul and his parents walked into the song “Secret Love” By Jim Brickman, and Lisa, Amy and I walked into the song “Arrival of the Birds” by the Cinematic Orchestra.

I felt hot and sticky, and had sweat dripping down my face the entire ceremony, but I was so excited to be getting married to Paul that I didn’t notice it that much.

Weddings here are kind of funny because you have a person from the Registry (their version of the Justice of the Peace) marry you. If you want your own pastor to do it, you have to get all sorts of special permission, and fill out several forms, and we just didn’t have time for that. The woman who married us was a very sweet Lady, and I thought she did a nice job, although it was a little weird to have a woman doing the ceremony.

Two weeks before the wedding they gave me a printout of how a usual ceremony goes and then it has several options under each past of the ceremony where you can choose to have her say option a,b,c,or d which was to fill it in yourself with something new.

On almost every option, I selected d. Some things were optional, and some things were required, and I cut out most of the optional things except one part where they state that notice of our intent to marry had been posted publically for the required amount of time and in that time, no one had objected to us marrying. I left that part in because I thought it was funny. One of the required parts was that they have to identify us as being Paul Eunson and Timbrel Elayne Bilbrey. Since the person marrying us is a stranger, they have to make sure they’re marrying the right people... in anycase there were a lot of formalities that had to be done, and then Lisa read the reading “A perfect Heart”

“One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming
that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd
gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was
not a mark or a flaw in it. Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most
beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was very proud and
boasted more loudly about his beautiful heart.

Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said "Why
your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine." The crowd and the young
man looked at the old man's heart. It was beating strongly, but full of
scars, it had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put
in, but they didn't fit quite right and there were several jagged edges.
In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were
missing.

The people stared - how can he say his heart is more beautiful, they
thought? The young man looked at the old man's heart and saw its state
and laughed. "You must be joking," he said. "Compare your heart with
mine, mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears."

"Yes," said the old man, "Yours is perfect looking but I would never
trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have
given my love - I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and
often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty
place in my heart, but because the pieces aren't exact, I have some
rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we
shared. Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other
person hasn't returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty
gouges -- giving love is taking a chance.

Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the
love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and
fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?"

The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He
walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful
heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with
trembling hands. The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart
and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the
wound in the young man's heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were
some jagged edges. The young man looked at his heart, not perfect
anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man's
heart flowed into his.”

I chose this because 1, it’s always been one of my favourite stories about what it’s like to give and receive love, that sometimes it can be painful, but sometimes when we take a chance it can be wonderful as well, and 2, I thought that since Paul and I are both divorced it would be very fitting for a second wedding.

After the reading we played the song “Who we are” by Gavin Mikhail. Some of the lyrics are as follows:

“So many chapters to
This life we're living through
I rediscover you with every passing day
And I'm happy here
To know you're standing by
My side as time passes by, and I...

Know all the years and the places
The fears, the lonely faces,
scars, and broken hearts have made us who we are
We're always writing a new history
And redefining you and me
And though I know we've come so far
We will begin again
Our story never ends...

I wonder every day
If I could watch the changes
In our passions as they happen slowly
Making us what we need
The you and me we find inside
As time passes by, and I...

Know all the years and the places
The fears, the lonely faces,
scars, and broken hearts have made us who we are
We're always writing a new history
And redefining you and me
And though I know we've come so far...

We're changing all the time and I can see
So much of what you mean to me
I can't explain the how and why
Of all the changes now, but I...

Know all the years and the places
The fears, the lonely faces,
scars, and broken hearts have made us who we are
We're always writing a new history
And redefining you and me
And though I know we've come so far
We will begin again
Our story never ends...So many chapters to
This life we're living through
I rediscover you with every passing day
And I'm happy here
To know you're standing by
My side as time passes by, and I...

Know all the years and the places
The fears, the lonely faces,
scars, and broken hearts have made us who we are
We're always writing a new history
And redefining you and me
And though I know we've come so far
We will begin again
Our story never ends

We're changing all the time and I can see
So much of what you mean to me
I can't explain the how and why
Of all the changes now, but I...

Know all the years and the places
The fears, the lonely faces,
scars, and broken hearts have made us who we are
We're always writing a new history
And redefining you and me
And though I know we've come so far
We will begin again
Our story never ends”

 

When this finished, this was the message or “Definition of Marriage” the registrar gave:

“Every one of us is like the old man. We have felt the joy of loving, and the heart ache of loving. We’ve all loved someone and had that love rejected, leaving gaping wounds in our heart. We’ve loved someone, and lost them, leaving tears on our hearts, and sometimes, we have loved and been loved in return, and when that happens, something amazing occurs. It’s a chance that you take, and it can be a scary one, but for Paul and Elayne it was a chance they were willing to take, because when done right, a loving relationship such as theirs is a beautiful thing, and worth the risk.

Now that Paul and Elayne have shared their hearts with each other, they have decided to make a public commitment to each other and enter into the sacred bond of marriage. They already realize that a successful marriage is one where each partner discovers that it is better to give love than to receive it, that it is a partnership in which each can grow and be true to themselves, whilst sharing in the development of each other, that marriage is more than words or ceremony, but a commitment to be reaffirmed each and every day.  But what else?

Paul and Elayne, you must also, always remember:

  Never say, Must, always, and never.

  Laugh! Laugh a lot. Laugh at yourselves, laugh when things get tough. A sense of humor goes a long way.

  Forget whether you're right or wrong. The question is: Is what you're doing working or not working?

  There is no right or wrong way to fix a relationship. Find your own way that works. But recognize when it's not working and be honest when it needs fixing.

  Falling in love is not the same thing as being in love. Embrace the change and know that it takes work.

  You don't fix things by fixing your partner.

  Intimacy is so important because it is when we let someone else enter our private world.

  You don't necessarily solve problems. You learn how to manage them.

  Communicate. Make sure your sentences have verbs. Remember that only 7 percent of communication is verbal. Actions and non-verbal communication speak much louder.

   You get what you give. When you give better, you get better”

After this we said our vows to each other, and then I said vows to Amy.  I started to cry when I said my vows to her, but everyone else was crying too, so I guess it was OK. J Paul and my vows to each other were a little bit of a tongue twister... nothing hard, but putting all these big words together, in front of everyone, and Paul accidently forgot some of the words and had to ask her to repeat them. It was really cute.

The Journey

Wow! I made it. I am really a resident of Scotland! I live here now...I hung clothes on the line outside to dry. I ate BP sauce on my bacon roll this morning... I ate Haggis yesterday for lunch and Fish and chips for dinner...I type the @ symbol using the same button at an ', not on the 2 button... I believe this makes me officially Scottish.
It wasn't easy though... let me tell you. From the start.... this has been a rough trip.
For starters, my hometown in South Dakota has been declared a disaster zone by President Obama. Due to more rain and snow melt than anticipated, several dams along the Missouri River have filled passed their max capacity and the dams have been in danger of breaking causing a flash flood and devastation of anything in their path. To avoid this, the same short sided engineers who decided not to let the dams drain a little at a time of the last year decided to drain the dams a LOT at a time. Every few days for the last two weeks they have been opening the flood gates until it reached it max of 150,000 cubic feet per second, on the 8th... the day I left. This is over 4,000 tons of water being released every second. The Missouri River is flooding on both sides, the only thing saving homes from being totally destroyed are a few sand bags the people of Sioux land have been filling night and day. Ground water is still seeping into basements, and houses that are right on the river, there is nothing that could be done. On the plus side, people had warning enough to evacuate and no one need be in danger of drowning. Sadly, one man did die of exhaustion after filling sandbags for 5 days straight. I don't say this lightly, as I really feel awful for this man's family. He was only 38, with two small children. His home and his family weren't in danger, so he helped those whose homes were in danger, and his kindness was repaid in this manner. It's horrible, and my heart goes out to his family.

This definitely puts things into perspective for you, but never the less, my own parents home is in danger of flooding. Being 8 months pregnant there wasn't much I could do to help, but I went for moral support to help my parents evacuate from their home. Seeing our family home completely empty expecting it to be flooded, expecting mold damage, expecting the house to have to be torn down and rebuilt... brought me to tears many many times, and leaving my family in this state has made this particular journey here a difficult one. It has really set in the reality of just how far away I am and that when tragedy strikes.... It's not just as easy as a plane ride away...
With all that hanging on my mind, I realized two days before we were supposed to leave that Isaac had not yet received his plane tickets yet. Lap children are free when flying domestically. With international travel you have to pay 10% of the ticket cost, and then they send you a paper ticket as e-tickets are not good enough for some reason. I called Delta, and told them his tickets hadn't come yet, and the woman put me on hold to check the problem. When she came back she informed me that Delta had neglected to send them out, she was sorry, but that she would make a note of it on my itinerary and I would be good to go. I told her that I had seen another mother show up to the counter with no ticket for her child, and it hadn't turned out very well for her, and that I needed something from delta, an email, or something that would verify that due to Delta's mistake, I had not received my tickets.
She said there was a problem with the network and she couldn't email me anything, but that the notes on my itinerary would be sufficient enough and any delta rep who looked at it would see that I had booked a lap child for the flight.
.....
and I believed her...
I really am the true definition of an idiot.

When Isaac, and my brother Eli, who was travelling with me to help out with Isaac on the flight over, and I arrived at the airport in Sioux Falls, we had arrived with enough time to check in, maybe grab a snack to eat, leisurely go through security, and sit bored at our gate for another hour before boarding... or so we thought. We went to check in our luggage... 6 bags between the three of us (5 of which were mine... plus a few things stuck in Eli's bag) not to mention our 6 carry ons. I knew things might be a little hectic keeping everything straight, but it was more than that. the computer wouldn't let us check in. First their was a problem with my passport. I got a new one in February, so the number didn't match the one they had on file. After they fixed this, it still wouldn't let us check in. They said it might be because the flight was being delayed... this didn't make sense... flights are always delayed and they let you check in. Then they said our return tickets weren't confirmed. I don't even know how that happens. I paid for everything all at the same time, round trip, so if our tickets to the UK are confirmed, our tickets back should be. I didn't mention at this point that I would not even be using the return part of the ticket... it was just a better deal to get round trip instead of one way. When they finally got this taken care of and began checking our luggage, I then asked about the tickets for Isaac. They said it wouldn't be a problem, and they were printing his boarding pass with Eli's. Once we finally arrived at security, I presented Isaac and my Passport to the officer. She looked at my tickets and said... "What's your name?" I said " Timbrel Elayne Bilbrey" she said " It;s not on your ticket anywhere." The woman at the counter had printed Eli's tickets and my tickets in Eli's name. I had to go back up to the counter, wait in line and then have her fix them. Going through security was a nightmare. Every carry on had a bottle, or baby food or some sort of liquid to find and get out. I had to take Isaac out of his car seat, then I had to try to put him back IN which he hated, it just seemed to take forever. By the time we reached our gate, Isaac walked around for about 5 minutes before it was time to board the flight. I sat a few rows behind Eli who held Isaac and they both took a nap on the way to Minneapolis. I did too. When we landed, we went straight to the next gate so I could request bassinet seating on the flight over to Amsterdam. The extra room at your feet is always appreciated when carrying a baby, and since they book these seats in doubles, often times there is an extra seat for the car seat so you don't have to hold Isaac the whole time. He's a sweet kid but holding him for 9 hours on a plane is torture... The woman was really great about moving our seats but then asked for Isaac's ticket. I told her the whole story and she said, "I'm really sorry, but I can't let him on without a ticket." she checked the itinerary on her computer and it didn't show anything at all about delta not sending the tickets. She did say that it showed I had requested a lap child, but that no payment had been made... Holy fricking cow... I'm angry right now just thinking about it.
When I call a reputable company and request a service from them that I pay for, I expect them to do their job. So when I gave the woman my credit card details, I expect it to go through. If there is a problem, I expect them to contact me. Now I don't really know what happened since only two nights before I had spoken with a representative and she said that the baby ticket was booked. Why that had changed... I don't know... but in the end, I had to purchase a whole new ticket for Isaac. I'm sure my normally dark brown eyes were blood red and shooting darts when I handed over my debit card, but I was trying really hard not to throw a tantrum and cry, so this was the best I could do.
A man took over to help us out... aka... run my card and take my money, and I said "I almost always fly delta if possible, and I almost always have a smooth trip, but this time, it has just been a nightmare from the get go with all the mistakes that delta has made on their behalf. I will probably continue to fly delta (as Eli inserted that he probably wouldn't) but some free frequent flier miles or an upgrade in class would really improve my opinion of delta at that moment." The guy laughed, but he did end up booking Isaac an actual seat on the plane to ensure that we could bring his car seat on. He also gave Eli and I both $100 vouchers for our next flight, to be used up within a year. I can assure you Delta will get an earful on how helpful this man was, and how he really saved my mood.
When we got to Amsterdam we had to go through security again... more hassle. Then, for some reason I hadn't been able to check in all the way to Edinburgh. They could check Eli in, but not me. So I had to stop at the counter and ask for a boarding pass. Not sure what the problem was there, because the reps were all speaking Dutch, but in the end, they fixed the problem more efficiently than anyone else had done and said "I'm so sorry for the delay. Delta has made a complete mess of your reservations, so I had to fix "this" and "that" and "the other thing" but you are good to go now.
This flight Isaac was a little more fussy... I think he was just done with the whole plane thing. He was awake and on the slightly fussy side until about 5 minutes before we landed and he fell asleep.
When going through customs, Eli went before me, got a stamp in his passport and when on his way, when I went up I didn't know what to expect... I figured a few questions about my visa and a stamp and I would be on my way...I was not prepared for this...
Where is the visa for your son?
He is a British citizen, so I was told he didn't need one.
Your son is travelling on an American Passport though. Does he have a British one?
No, not yet. That was something his dad and I planned to get him once we got over here.
But he needs a British passport or a visa. Why would you get yourself one and not your son?
This is my first time having to get a visa. I didn't really know what I was doing, so I hired a company who did know. When I asked them if I needed to get a visa for my son they said "No. He is a British Citizen."
Well I still don't understand why you wouldn't have gotten him a passport when you were here before.
We got the paperwork to get one, but it was very confusing, and we just ran out of time before we had to leave to come back to the states.
Well I cannot let him in, without a visa or a British Passport, and if he can't come in, I can't let you in.
Listen, I have been working for almost two years to legally be able to come into this country so that I can marry my fiance, and we can be a family, living in the same country. Because I have had problems in trusting wrong information found online before, I wanted to be SURE that everything was done correctly and legally. I have paid a lot of money for this. My son's father is waiting to see him just on the other side of that door. How can you tell me that you're not going to let my son, who has duel citizenship, not see his father, who is a British Citizen. Please don't keep my family torn apart.
Well let me go talk to my supervisor.
I texted Paul to let him know that they wouldn't be letting Isaac in without a visa or British passport. I told him if Isaac couldn't get in, neither could I, and that if they sent us back to the united states then... I was done with this...I'm not getting denied entry into the UK a third time...
I know that seems a little rash... but finally I have to just admit defeat... We have overcome so many obstacles in our way... we have gone through a lot, with nothing but hope as our light at the end of the tunnel... If after everything we have gone through, and everything we have spent financially to make this happen... and it's STILL not good enough... nothing will ever be...
When Paul got my message he marched up to the information desk and demanded that they put immigration on the phone. When they called he talked to the same woman who had stopped me at customs. When the woman finally came back she stamped Isaac's passport and said we had six months to get him a British Passport, and she let me through.
I don't know what  Paul said, but he did say that if they hadn't cooperated with him he probably would have been arrested for making a huge scene and throwing things.
I'm glad it didn't come to that.
Thankfully all our luggage arrived, and after a short drive from the airport we arrived at my new home. Isaac was simply shattered and fell asleep like he had been drugged. There was no waking him even when I tried. Which is unfortunate because he was then up until 3am.
The last two nights have gone a little better. He is so excited to be with his dad and his sister, although I think he misses grandma. He's doing very well adjusting.
Yesterday we all went into Edinburgh, and saw that castle, then went to Paul's parents house where they treated us to a chippy dinner, and wonderful conversation.
Today, Paul is doing a tour to St. Andrews so Eli went along. I hope they're having a good time. I'm hoping to get as much unpacking done today as possible, as having all your things in various bags around the house is aggravating.
I'm getting used to having to turn the plugs on before I use them, the sun setting at 10pm and rising at 4am, getting into the passenger side of the car on the left, and dealing with Celsius temperatures on the oven, but I now have a dish washer, which I couldn't be more excited about!!! Oh the things we take for granted.
I think I'm gonna like it here!

Having a Scottish Wedding

So, the ball is really rolling now...
In less than three weeks I will be living in Scotland. My apartment is becoming more and more packed and hectic, and wedding plans are moving forward.
In the last week or so, Paul and I have decided that because of the lack of participation on my family's part it would be pointless to have the wedding in the spring. So our civil ceremony on the 24th has turned into a wedding in July instead.
Throwing together a nice wedding is never really easy, but if David Tutera can do it, then so can I!
Now... here in the states, getting married is fairly simple. Each state is a little different, but this is the basic process. Here in South Dakota, you go to the court house or register of deeds in the country you want to get married in. You pay $40 for a marriage license that needs to be used within 20 days. There is no waiting period. So once you have your license you can get married right away. In order to get your marriage license you have to bring a valid ID, like a drivers license, military ID card, or birth certificate. After you get married the person who married you, judge, or anyone authorized by the church or state to marry you has 10 days to turn in the signed marriage license or there will be no record of your marriage.
Simple right? Once you have your license you can get married in the court house, in a church in that county, in a home in that country, in a park, in a parking lot, or restaurant or wherever...
Not so in Scotland.
This is what we have done so far.
Paul called the General Registry office in Livingston last January to book a tentative date. We needed a receipt from the Registry office in order to get my visa. As the time grew closer, we were going to have the civil ceremony and I was planning a wedding on board the Lord of the Glen on Loch Ness next spring. Then Paul informed me how sad his mother was that they wouldn't be there for the ceremony as they had already planned a trip to Spain for the 24th. (Super Jealous!)
In any case two weeks ago Paul went to the Hermitage outside of Dunkeld and sent me some beautiful pictures! I have been there several times before, but it is especially beautiful this year.

 The first time I saw it I thought it would be a gorgeous place for a wedding. After seeing the pictures Paul took (Note: These aren't them, I got these off google because I haven't uploaded the ones Paul sent me, but his are even better then these because the trees are all flowering on them, it the colors are just really beautiful!) I thought, "Why not see if we can tie the knot in Dunkeld?" It would make the day really beautiful without adding much of a cost... as you can see the place takes no decorations, and is a lot prettier than the inside of a court room. I asked Paul who said he would check. When he called he found out that not only could we not get married in Dunkeld, because you have to get married at an "approved venue" plus a bunch of other paper work that made it impossible, but also that the Registry office had been sending him notices to his old address requesting some forms that needed to be turned in by June 1. With such a short time period, Paul and I talked it over and thought "Lets push the date back, so we don't have to feel rushed" also, we can invite Paul's parents as well.

I talked to my family members, and with so much going on, and the economy being such as it is, no one could say for sure if they could come...so we decided not to do anything this spring and have a small wedding in July, and then have a small reception at the Inn on board the a Canal Boat that floats up and down the Union Canal.

The Inn

 

When Paul called to change the wedding date, The registry office said they were already booked for that day, we thought about changing the date again, but I will be 32 weeks then, and I feel like 31 weeks is pushing it, I'm already tired as all get out at 27 weeks, and I want to be able to dance at my wedding and not have my water break! We saw that the Inn is a licensed wedding venue, so we asked the Livingston office if we could get married at the Inn instead. They said that wasn't in their district, we would have to contact the Registry office in Edinburgh instead.

So I called Edinburgh, and they have four Registry workers available to marry us that day, as apparently they are the only ones licensed to marry you... which is kind of sad I think. Seems to me like that makes it so impersonal... but.. oh well... in any case, I called them and they have 4 people available to marry us on the 16th, but in order to get married, We have to book the Inn, get something called an AT1 form from them. Fill it out and both Paul and I have to sign and send it in. That's easier said then done since I am still in the states. Then I have to fill out two other documents, and provide them with both our original birth certificates as well as my original divorce documents so they can make sure that I am legally divorced in the UK, because sometimes the divorces here aren't found to be legal in the UK... which will super piss me off if that's the case. I'm assuming though that if the UK embassy gave me a finace' visa they found my divorce documents acceptable, so I'm not really worried. Then we have to pay another 280 pounds to the registry office in Edinburgh... I think we will probably end up eating the down payment Paul already put down at the Livingston office, but I guess that is how it goes... In any case... all this legal stuff is really irritating and makes planning a wedding incredibly tedious and miserable... which I assume is why anytime I talk to Paul about what we need to get done his eyes glaze over, his voice gets distant, and he acts about as excited as someone being forced into an arranged marriage before telling me that he can't listen to all this anymore because it's making his head spin... so I don't know... maybe we will get married... or maybe none of this stuff will get done and we will end up wasting time and money before I get sent back to America...

I'm not irritated at all right now...

The thing is we can't really start the fun stuff of the wedding, like what music we will have, flowers, and invitations, and all that until the stupid but necessary stuff gets done... even so, I've made some mock up invitations that I am quite proud of.

In any case, hopefully once all this boring, expensive legal stuff is taken care of, and we start planning the fun stuff I will feel like Paul wants to marry me again.

Ugh... My Aching Back

As I have previously stated in my Post of Isaac's Birth Story, people say you forget all about the pain of childbirth once you hold that precious little bundle in your arms. That is a dirty, ugly, vicious lie. I remember it all... it makes the pain WORTH it, you don't forget it... here is what you do forget about... well I did anyway.
The morning sickness, the swollen ankles, the sore back, the constipation, the tiredness, the intolerance for... well everything, but especially stupid people, and anyone who doesn't agree with you, the ice cream cravings, the hot dog cravings, and the nights of little or no sleep.
I had completely forgotten about that. If I had been talking to anyone about my pregnancy with Isaac I would have said "Except for the seven weeks of bedrest, I had the perfect pregnancy!"

I don't know if I've just forgotten the pain, or if this one is worse, but as much as I can remember of the last one... this one is worse.
The last few nights (granted I have been packing up my apartment and lifting heavy boxes, etc) my back has been in so much excruciating pain that I can hardly walk. I'm literally in tears trying to get from one room to the next.
That said... Here are two pictures to compare:

27 Weeks pregnant with Isaac

26 Weeks pregnant with Aria

It might be a little bit difficult to tell with these pictures that my baby bump is about 5 inches bigger this time around than it was with Isaac. I was still wearing size 12 non maternity jeans in the picture with Isaac... so being so much bigger, and about 40 pounds heavier, I can see why I am having back problems... The problem with my back goes much further than just the pain in my back though....

I feel like a terrible mother to Isaac right now. I physically can't get down on the floor to play with him, and when I do... I REALLY pay for it later. I can't pick him up easily... or hold him while walking around, or chase him around, and it just kills me inside to have to say "I'm sorry Isaac, mommy can't pick you up." or "Mommy needs to rest." He just looks so crushed like "Don't you love me?? Don't you want to play with me??"

I really thought I would be a better mother than I am. I really hoped that all the nights of crying myself to sleep because I was this worthless barren woman would turn me into a mother who went all out for her kids, no matter the sacrifice, and no pain was too large to keep me from having fun with my kids...

I want to be that mom that is a lot of fun, that makes the best lunches, that all their friends want to come hang at our house because I make it cool... probably just saying that makes me a bit of a loser, but I can't help it... I need to change this pattern, but I need to do something about my back....all my back pain went away immediately after I had Isaac... but I don't want to have to wait three months for Aria to be here before I can be a good mom again... because by that time I will have another baby that will take all my attention... My poor little Isaac... he really got the short stick... The first year of his life was spent without his dad here, and the second nine months of his life was spent with a pregnant mother who is also a student, who just cant seem to stretch my time and my strength and energy to do much more than sit with him and read him books.... the rest of his life will be spent as the middle child with all the attention going to the baby... He deserves a way better life that this.  

It Suddenly Hit Me!

Paul and I were discussing our plans for what I have effectionately coined "The 24th". This is when we are officially getting married, however I don't want to say "the wedding" or even use the term "Getting Married" because we're "supposedly" having a wedding this spring, ya know, when I'm thin again, and my family and friends can come out for it... So we were discussing "The 24th" and "the 24th" is looking like it might be pushed back a little bit for several reasons.

1st being that there is apparently a bunch of paperwork that we didn't know about that has to be in by the first, original documents signed by myself and Paul.... except that I won’t be there until the 9th.

2nd being that Paul's parents will be out of the country for a few weeks over the 24th. They would really like to be there, and I would really like them to be able to come, however I have been telling myself that this date isn't really a big deal because our "real wedding" is going to be next spring, when everyone can be there and I'm skinny.

However, while discussing "the 24th", a subject that usually makes me giddy all over, today, it suddenly hit me.

We're not going to have a wedding in the spring. None of my family except for my sister and her husband and my parents are even attempting to attend. If all of Paul's family and friends come to this one, they probably won’t come to the "real wedding"... so this is it... This courtroom ceremony with none of my friends, and none of my family, and I'm going to be pregnant and fat and ugly.

I look at myself in the mirror right now, and no matter how hard I try to make myself up, do my hair, and my make up, and pick my clothes out carefully, I can't seem to look at myself and say "I look good today." I just look fat and ugly, and Paul is going to see me in four weeks and thing "Whoa... she got fat... THIS is not the woman I asked to marry Me." and his friends who already don't like me are going to meet me for the first time and thing "Whoa... Paul is really slumming it with this one... We tried to talk him out of it..."

I bought a dress to wear... This is me trying it on in the store:

When I saw this dress at the store I knew it was exactly the style I was looking for. Simple, elegant, didn't hide my pregnancy, but didn't embellish it either. When I tried it on in front of my friend she said "This is the Dress!" I agreed. I told her I didn't feel real comfortable with my bare arms showing, but that I thought I could match the material with a shawl or shrug.

I later tried it on for my mother who just loved it. She raved and raved about how beautiful the dress was and how much she loved it. I think she likes this dress better than the wedding dress I wore when I married Josh.

I am so excited about this dress...in fact if I weren’t pregnant I would probably go with a similar style for my "real wedding." What makes it even better is I got it for an AMAZING price. I sent a picture of it to a good friend of mine and this was the reply I got: "Hmm... not really a fan of the dress, just not sure I like the style for your figure. Afraid you won’t be happy with it, but if you’re ok in it, that's all that matters!"

I realize she meant well... but... she has absolutely no idea how her text message has not only made me feel insecure in my hideously fat body, but trampled on the little bit of joy I did feel about the dress. I felt pretty when I wore it... now... I feel... grotesquely ugly, no matter what I'm in... Ya know, just how every bride should feel... 

Isaac's Birth Story

With my son being close to 13 months old and my daughter being about 3 months away from being born herself, I feel it is about time to write Isaac's birth story. I love to tell it, I just haven't written it down. It's time.

The months leading up to Issac's birth were difficult for me. Paul was living over seas, so I spent the majority of my pregnancy alone. At 29 weeks I was put on bed rest for 7 weeks due to some preterm labor issues.
I was already dilated 3 cm, so I spent that time worrying if I would have a premature baby, and if Paul would miss the birth of our first child together.

Paul came out about 1 week before Isaac's due date. He had to leave to go home on the 16th, so once he arrived, we were walking and eating the spiciest foods around to try and encourage labor. The days passed and nothing worked. A few days before my due date, a friend told me she had drank 1/4 cup of balsamic vinegar and that sent her into labor within 3 hours. I tried and and it sent me throwing up in the toilet for about 3 hours. My due date was approaching and so was the date Paul was leaving and I was very aware that Paul was going to be able to spend less and less time with his new born son. My doctor said she would induce me the Monday after my due date if I hadn't had the baby yet. I really didn't want to be induced as I had planned for a natural labor, and women who are induced tend to have more difficult labors.
I had a concert on my due date. So the night before, Paul and I had driven down to Sioux City for a rehearsal with the orchestra. We arrived back to Vermillion around 10:00. I made some tea for us, and turned on friends. "The one where Rachel has a baby"
Paul went through to the bed room to get comfortable before the show started, and I was getting the tea ready when I felt an ache in my stomach. I had to hold onto the table to wait for it to pass, and while doing so noticed the time on the microwave. 10:24.
I thought I was having gas pains, so I went into the bedroom and took a Rolaids. While watching friends, I felt the same pain a few more times and thought "could this be contractions?" I had never had a contraction before, not even 1 braxton hick, and my doctor told me "You'll know when you're in labor!" I decided that these were just gas pains made worse my the power of suggestion due to Rachel being in labor on TV.
between episodes, I went to use the bathroom thinking maybe that might help. on my way there I had another really strong gas pain that stopped me in my tracks on the way to the bathroom. I was holding onto the bed and the dresser waiting for it to pass when Paul came into the bedroom and said "Why are you standing here, alone in the dark?" I didn't know what to say. If it really was just gas, I didn't want to tell him I was having gas pains, and I didn't want to tell him I might be having contractions either, just in case it was false labor. I said "I'm just standing here... in the dark."
Paul looked at me and said "Don't get weird." then walked out of the room.
I wanted to cry... I wasn't trying to be weird! I was trying to act normal... it wasn't working. I walked into the living room and said "I think I might be in labor. I think I've been having contractions for about an hour."
He took it pretty well. He didn't seem to panic like all the guys do in the movies, but at this point I don't think either one of us were convinced I was actually in labor. I tried to call my mom and my sister-in-law, but neither one answered their phones, so I texted them, but got to reply.
Paul thought we should time the contractions... and even though we had both attended prenatal classes, and this was Paul's second child, but neither one of us knew how to time contractions, so we had to google it.
The contractions we lasting six minutes, and then thirty seconds... and sometimes they would be ten minutes apart, and then 3 minutes apart. They were all over the place. I said "I don't think this is real labor." and Paul thought maybe we should call the hospital just in case. I didn't really want to so I tried my mom again. This time she answered and told me to get some rest. If I was still having contractions in an hour, then to call her again.
So, Paul and I went to bed, and I fell asleep. I would wake up when I had a contraction, breathe through it with Paul holding me tight and when it was over, I would fall right back to sleep.
Paul finally said that he didn't think the contractions were going away. I called my mom again, but she didn't answer. Paul finally convinced me to let him call the hospital. When I told them that the contractions weren't consistent they said it probably was false labor but to go ahead and come in anyway.
I was kind of annoyed. It was just after 3am, and I had a concert in Sioux City the next day that I was going to be exhausted for after going into the hospital for a few hours, them saying I wasn't really in labor and then being sent home. I live in vermillion, so it's a good 45 minutes to the hospital, but at this point Paul was starting to talk really fast hurrying to get dressed and get our things in the car. He was saying "There's no need to panic, we just need to stay calm, and everything is going to be fine." I think it was sweet that he was trying to comfort me, but I think he was really trying to comfort himself, because I wasn't worried at all. I knew I wasn't going to have a baby anytime soon.
On the way to the hospital, I was enjoying the view of the clear starry night through the moon roof. I had a few contractions on the way, and where they weren't comfortable, I said to Paul "I don't know why all those women complain, this isn't so bad."
Paul just kept his mouth shut... which is good because I'm sure God up in heaven was looking down on me laughing saying "Oh YEAH????"
When we arrived at the hospital, a male nurse wheeled me upstairs to the labor and delivery room. He joked with us on the way saying he could usually call it when people were in with real or false labor, and said he would probably see us the next time we came to check in.

Once in the room, the nurse gave me a gown to check in and asked if I wanted anything to drink. I asked for some orange juice, then they hooked up a monitor, right in the middle of a contraction. The nurse said, "Wow, you're having a big one right now." I managed a painful smile and breathed out, "Yeah, you're right." She monitored me for about 20 minutes before saying "You're really in labor, so we'll check you quick, and see where you're at."
six hours of labor and I was only dilated 4 cm... which since I had already been dilated 3 cm, that meant only 1 cm in six hours. I knew it was going to be a long labor.... at that rate, I would be there for days.
The nurse encouraged us to get up and walk around for a little bit which honestly was the last thing I really wanted to do, but I knew it would help in the long run, so I got unhooked and hopped out of bed, and we went walking.
The OB ward of the hospital is shaped like a big T. The nurses station is right where the T comes together at the top, and my room was on the right side of the top of the T. I had a contraction at the nurses station before turning down the tall part of the T. I had another contraction half way down the hallway, then again 3/4 of the way, and then another at the very end. Each contraction, Paul held me and we "danced through" the contraction. He was so great, and so supportive. If I hadn't been so uncomfortable, it would have been really romantic. After reaching the end of the hallway, we began our slow journey back up, but I was having contractions every couple of steps. By the time we reached the nurses station again they were really coming one right behind the other. I said "Paul, I don't want to walk anymore." He said "I know, honey, but the nurses really want you to. Lets just go down this last hallway, and then we'll go back to the room." I said OK, and we headed down the left side of the top of the T, we didn't make it very far though before I said "I can't I want to go lay down." This time he said OK, and we slowly walked and danced and contracted back to my room. I've never been so happy to see a bed. The nurse came back in and checked me again and in less then 200 minutes I had gone from 4 cm to 9 cm dilated and fully effaced. She said she would go call the doctor, and I decided to just hang out in the room.
Paul and I had been so sure that we were going to be sent home that we hadn't even bothered to bring our bags in. I didn't have my birthing plan or anything that I wanted with me. Paul asked if he wanted me to go get it but at this point, I didn't want him to be anywhere but right at my side, so that's where he stayed.

 As long as I had a few minutes, even seconds between contractions I was OK. I could catch my breath, calm my nerves, and be ready for the next one, although I couldn't help saying "Oh no!" or "Not again!" Each time a new one would start. At one point, I began to throw up during a contraction. WHILE I was vomiting up my orange juice (which was awful... orange juice... not fun to throw up... it burns!) the nurse smiles and says "I knew you were going to throw up as soon as you asked for orange juice!" I didn't find this as entertaining as she did and shouted "Why did you give me orange juice then???"
Another contraction hit, and I threw up again... really violently... I felt water streaming down my legs, and when the contraction had subsided I said "I either just wet myself, or my water broke." She looked and said, "Congratulations! Your water broke!"
At this point I was in full on labor, there was no "between contractions" anymore. They were coming at me one on top of the other. I couldn't catch my breath, I couldn't even say "Oh no!" when a new one would start... I cried, and I screamed a little bit remembering the mothers from the video's that I watched on natural child births who would also scream. I remembered mentally poking fun at them and how undignified they were, vowing that I was going to make cute birthing noises if it killed me. Yeah.... I was worse than any of those mothers... I screamed like a tortured baby.
At one point during two contractions hitting me at the same time I thought "Maybe I should have gotten an epidural". I had watch a video with a woman who had gotten an epidural though and the needle was about the size of a coffee straw! NO JOKE! They have to put this tub into your skin, and then put this 8 inch long needle into the tube so they put the needle in the right place in your spine! Yeah, one thought of that needle and the contractions didn't seem so bad all of a sudden. As if to read my mind, the nurse said "You're almost there now. It's too late for any drugs, and your baby will be here soon!"
I wasn't comfortable in any position, and just kept turning and turning on the bed... the most comfortable position for me was on my hands and knees, so that's where I would be during a contraction. being hooking up to a monitor and an IV made this difficult... I finally was ripping at the monitor and where in my head I am sure I said "This is very uncomfortable, would you mind removing the monitor for me until it is absolutely needed?" what actually came out was "Get this off me!!!"
The nurse took it off and I felt much better but couldn't seem to get rid of this suffocating feeling that my clothes and the bed were causing me. There was a fan in the room, and when it would blow up the back of my open hospital gown cooling off everything.... down there.... and that felt so good!
A nurse came in and said "Your mom is here, do you want to cover up with a sheet?" I felt the fan, and thought about the sheet and looked behind me to see my bare butt up in the air and said "No... she's seen it before."
My mom came in and I whimpered "It hurts mom" and she said "I know but you're doing great!" I heard the nurse tell her aid "I need you to get me the orange gloves with the grips." and I thought, my doctor isn't going to make it in time.
Then the nurse said "If you feel the need to push now, it's OK to push." Really... I didn't ever feel the urge to push, but I wondered if maybe pushing would help relieve some of the pressure.... It didn't really... in fact, I think I might have even been trying to push, but it wasn't really working.
About 3 minutes after my mom arrived Dr. Danner arrived, and said to go ahead and push with the next contraction. I was still on my hands and knees but nothing really happened in that position. She said it might be easier for me to push if I was sitting up right with my legs in the stirrups.
I turned and the bed was propped up a bit more to where I was in a somewhat reclined position, with my legs up, and I pushed with the next contraction.
The doctor said she could see the head. I'm sure at this point Paul wanted to look, but...
Did you KNOW that the majority of women fart, poop, and pee while pushing the baby out??? Paul and I aren't that close yet, and just in case I was one of those women... I didn't really want Paul to see all that, we're not that close yet...but he was so understanding and great about it. As it is... I really don't know if I did any of those things... If I had to guess I would say no... but there's a lot going on down there, and it's would have been hard to tell if I had.
With the next contraction the head was out. She said "Stop pushing now."
One of my concerns was that Isaac might have his chord wrapped around his neck. I knew that doctors stopped you at this point to clean out the mouth, and unwrap the chord if it's there. When she had me stop I said "Is he OK???" The doctor said "He's fine. We'll push the rest of the body out with the next contraction. A moment later I was pushing again, and then relief! He was out! He looked purple and had such dark hair, and then he was on my tummy and I was holding this gooey, bloody, screaming baby in my arms.

The doctor rubbed him down with a blanket to clean him up some and then the doctor asked Paul if he wanted to cut the umbilical chord. Paul went and cut it, and then a nurse took the baby to be weighed and measured and cleaned up while I delivered the placenta. The doctor massaged my stomach and the thing just sort of... plopped out. I remember saying "That's not comfortable" and then it was done. Dr Danner continued to massage my stomach to ebb some of the bleeding.

Isaac was wrapped in a blanket with a diaper on and handed back to me. About that time my brother and Sister-In-Law and their two kids arrived to see the new baby. we all took turns holding him before Liz encouraged me to try and nurse him right away. Then everyone was ushered into my nursery suite. I didn't get much sleep that day because I wanted to just look at my baby all day.

 He was so much cuter than I ever imagined and I was surprised at how cute I thought he was. I was prepared to love my baby no matter what he looked like and had prepared myself for an ugly baby... but he wasn't! He was perfect. Isaac slept most of that day, and was up most of that night. I had wanted to room in with him, but at 4 that morning I had been up for almost 3 days and a nurse finally came in and asked if I wanted them to take him to the nursery and they would bring him back when it was time to eat. I felt a little guilty, but I was glad for the nurses help. I got about three hours of the most amazing sleep and then I was ready to be a mom again!

I stayed in the hospital three days before they released us. In that time, Isaac had all his new born shots and tests, and was circumcised. It was pretty traumatic for me, but apparently Isaac slept through the procedure.

 On Isaac's third day of life we were released around 4:00pm where we went to my moms for a "Welcome to the world Party" for Isaac.

It's hard to believe that was a year ago, and what an amazing year it has been... It's scary and daunting to think I'm going to be going through all this again in three months time, and even though being a mom can be very challenging, I know I will have Paul to help me, and I'm excited about all the adventures the years to come will bring.