Sigh... I want to get married too!!!

I am a sucker for a good romance story. I love to ask my grandma about how she and my grandpa met and fell in love. It's typically one of the first things that I will ask a couple when I meet them. (Because I am nosey, and have no sense of boundaries... I am American after all)
It's fun to ask newly weds how they met, fell in love, how she was proposed to, what there wedding was like, but I love asking couples who have been married for 50 years, or ya know... a really long time.
The reason Disney ends their movies after a few wedding scenes is because if they didn't close the movie with a heart fading the screen to black, as they rode off into the sunset in their golden carriage then they would have to go through what it is like for two people with completely different backgrounds to mesh their life styles, their ideals, how they want to raise their kids, what religion they will practice, Why does your mother hate me? You never eat anything I cook.. bla bla bla...lol... ya know, the stuff real relationships are made of!
That's why I love hearing the stories of how a couple met, fell in love, got married, the hardships they went through that they over came and in the end strengthened their love, the funny stories of fights that seemed so important way back when but now just seem silly, and ridiculous... that make you laugh now...
If you happen to speak to someone who has been widowed, they never have any fighting stories. They only remember the good things and claim  that "They never really fought..." You know that's pretty impossible, but you love that they only remember the good things. Their love stood the test of time, and survived even after death.
I got up this morning at 4am to watch the Royal Wedding Festivities, and I thought that everything was just beautiful, and elegant.
I loved watching everyone arrive, and seeing how the crowds were so happy and supportive. I was scared to see Kate's... ahem... I mean Her Royal Highness, Princess Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, Lady Carrickfergus, Countess of Strathearn's wedding dress, as I thought I would be disappointed, but I couldn't have been more impressed. I thought her dress was beautiful, and looked incredible on her. I thought it was tasteful and classic, exquisite, but not over the top. The tiara she wore sparkled and looked so graceful on her. The way she wore her hair, the way her veil flowed behind her, the embroidery on her skirt and train, and the lace that covered her arms... everything was just perfect. She looked just like a real fairy tale princess.
Being divorced once myself, I know how hard it is to keep a marriage together. I'm hoping for better success in my next marriage, and I'm hoping for better success for them. It seems like they truly love each other. I love that they were friends first, and that he persued her. I love that she didn't throw herself at him at the first sign of his attentions, and that when they broke up, she maintained her own social life, and when he persued her again, she didn't just go running back. I love that their dating relationship has lasted longer than most of the royal marriages in the last several years, and that they really seem to truly love each other.
I really wish them all the best, and that in 50 years their grandchildren will be asking them about their love story, because it really is a lovely one. I hope that they over come all the petty fights, and differences of opinion, and social, and cultural differences. 
Watching their wedding made me think a lot about my wedding coming up.
Being pregnant, I don't want to have a wedding just yet, as I don't want to be pregnant in my wedding pictures. Instead I would like to have a wedding next spring, and get married on or around Loch Ness as Loch Ness has a lot of meaning to Paul and I seeing as we met there.
That is still months away though and I think it will be easier to put more planning into it after I am over there.
We are getting married on June 24th in their version of a Justice of the peace.
I would love if I could wear a dress like this:

But maybe in White or a a more pale pastel color.

I would love for Isaac and Amy to be there, and a couple witnesses, like Paul's sister Lisa and her boyfriend, and then Paul's brother Jason. I would love for my parents and his parents to be there, but My parents are going to come for the big wedding and his parents will be in Spain.

After we are husband and wife I'd like to go someplace nice to eat with whatever family and friends want to join us. Have people toast and congratulate us, maybe get a relative to take the kids for the night and that's all. Nothing too fancy, but something to mark the occasion.

Honestly though, If we did nothing but show up at the courthouse in jeans, use a court appointed witness, and go home afterwards while Paul plays with the kids and I do laundry, and make sandwiches for dinner... I would be happy with that too... I just can't wait to be his wife. I can't wait for him to introduce me as "And this is my wife, Elayne"... or if he throws in a few nice adjectives, like "and this is my wonderful wife, Elayne" I'd be cool with that too! Last summer on occasion he would accidentally say things like "bla bla bla, my wife" or I would accidentally say  "bla bla bla my husband" and I always thought it was kind of funny.

I can't wait until we can say it for real...

The Glory Days

Sometime in the middle of the night I woke to my dark room. I rolled over in my bed and tried to go back to sleep, but I had no such luck. I looked at the alarm clock and it read 5:17. I rolled out of bed like a beached whale trying to get back into the ocean, and clutched my sore back like an old woman, each step to the bathroom causing more and more pain.
I start physical therapy for my back today. I'm 27, and it really limits my activity. I don't know if it's something thats always been there from, a fall, or too many hours sitting on a plane pinched a nerve or if it's my back over compensating for my giant pregnant tummy, if I've put too much weight on too fast with this pregnancy and my joints just cant handle it since I am now an old woman of 27, or if lifting my now 1 year old son and crawling around on the floor is just too much for me, but whatever it.... I don't like it.

This is a picture of my son and I taken on Saturday, April 23. As you can see, my face is looking a little "thicker" and that arm hasn't seen the gym for a while. If the camera panned a little lower you would see a watermelon sized tummy, and hips that are proportionate to those giant knockers my son is resting his arm on.

The hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life was go from this:

To this:

And just for the record, I was already 2 months pregnant here.
It took me from October 2008 to September to lose 128 pounds. It took hours at the gym EVERY DAY, it took self contol from eating things I wanted but I knew weren't good for me. It took planning, and mental pep talks, and encouragement, and money (mostly to buy new clothes, but healthy foods are more expensive that fatty foods) and knowlege on how understanding how our bodies work, and nutrition. It consumed me 24 hours a day, constantly being on guard against laziness, snacking, and self sabbatoge.
Glen Beck used to be an alcoholic and obese. He kicked his drinking habit and has been sober now for several years. He also lost weight as he felt going from a radio show to a TV show, his TV career would never take off if he was fat. He said that he is exceptionally proud of over coming his alcoholism, but he way much more proud of over coming his obesity as that was way more difficult.

Now here, I am... 24 weeks into my second pregnancy, watching the scale go up instead of down, feeling familliar aches and pains from when I was overweight, and scared that maybe this time... I wont be able to do it. What if this time I cant lose the weight, and Paul wont find me attractive anymore? I won't have the energy to do all the fun things we like to do. I wont have the energy to play with my children. People will see me and judge me before knowing me because I am overweight. What if I pass my bad habbits down to my kids and they become overweight?
I can't go back there, and I refuse to. I like being pretty. I like turning heads. I like having energy, and being able to wear what I want, and shop where I want. I'm tired of looking at old pictures of me like this one:

 And thinking, I wish I still looked like that. I wish I still had those long slender legs, and that tiny waist.

I  wish I wish I wish....

I want to hear some of your stories... what is the hardest thing you have ever done? How did you accomplish it? Inspire me! Motivate me! Give me the hope to say "I did it once... I can do it again!"

But I want to Keep My First Born Child

I wanted to purchase my plane tickets to move to Scotland yesterday. One for me, one for my brother who is so very kindly helping me with my son on the flight over as I will be too pregnant to hold him the whole flight, and of course one for my lap child.
I expertly signed into expedia as I have done so many times before, typed in the abbreviation for the airports I would be flying in and out of, and then almost f ell out of my chair when I saw the price they were asking per plane ticket.
1 ticket to Scotland: Your right arm
2 tickets to Scotland: Your first born

I have never in my life paid that much for an international ticket. Darn these climbing gas prices.
Whenever I go into the "I can remember when gas was 73 cents per gallon" rant, my mom comes back with "I remember when gas was 10 cents a gallon."

I hope someday I will be saying "I remember when we used gasoline to fuel cars." and my kids will be saying "Remember when you had to sell our big brother for plane tickets because gas was so high? That's so silly, why didn't you start using Ethenol/hydrogen/compost for fuel sooner?"

I havent asked in a few weeks as I feel it's a bit of a sore subject, but I believe that "petrol" as they call it, in the UK is around 3 pounds per liter of gas. that is approximately $5.00 of 1 litre of gas. there are 3.8 liters in 1 gallon of gas. So they are paying about $19.00 a gallon for gas right now.... That is so depressing I'm not even going to round up to $20...
I put $50.01 of gas in my car last week, it didn't even fill it all the way up... I drive a tiny little Honda accord. if it continues to cost me $50+ for gas each week, I really think it is becoming more econmoical to put money into alternitive fuels, different cars that run off different fuel resources.
Personally I am an ethinol fan. It helps the local farmers, it's made from renewable resources, it's by-product is feed for cattle, it's a higher octane fuel, and burns cleaner, making it more envirnmentally friendly. It is beer in it's purest form, and denaturing it with oil will still help us keep up our public relations with other countries, and make the oil tycoons happy. ( moderately) But something must be done.
in my lifetime we have made the switch from Records, to casette tapes, to CD's to MP3's. From Film projectors, to video's to DVD's to Blue Ray. If we can choose this quickly between High Def and Blue ray, I think we can make a decision between which alternative fuel to go to, but it doesn't really matter, just pick one and DO SOMETHING!
When I live in Scotland, I want to be able to visit my family back here without having to sell my children on ebay.
Is that really too much to ask??

What they don't teach you in School

I am an average student. I get decent grades but not wonderful grades. In high school, I was on some medication that made me tired a lot, and I slept in class quite a bit... But I don't believe ANY of my classes EVER had a "How to move to another country" segment.
That would have been really useful!
Here is what I know. We as Americans enjoy a lot of freedoms... most of us feel like we are not just deserving of a good life, but entitled to one. We don't like it when people tell us we can't do something, and because immigration into the US is such a huge problem, most people are too busy complaining about the amount of people entering our country illegally it never crosses out minds that someone might want to live in a different country someday... after all... We are the land of opportunity, we have free speech, and the right to remain silent. We have Wal-mart, where you can go, get your oil changed, tires rotated, get your groceries, have your pictures developed in an hour and buy paint to redo the kitchen all in one trip, on one bill, we have 24 hour restaurants where you can get breakfast any time of day, and unlimited refills on drinks, and we have the best toilet paper in the world... who would want to leave this place?
Well... I guess I do... so how do I do that?
Something about a visa? Where do I get one of those? What I don't qualify for a working visa? But, I am an educated, upper middle class AMERICAN, you can't tell me no!
Actually they can, and they will...
1st things first, it is embarrassing to be denied entrance into a country because you don't have the right visa... or a visa at all... Do not trust google to give you the information you need on this one... we are talking about international laws here. Most countries have a little bit of a chip on their shoulder when it comes to America, and a lot of them for good reasons, but we wont go into that... they want us to come visit and spend our money there, but they don't want us to live there. Usually this arrangement works fine.
I got some bad information off a UK government website...and now they have a file on me ( complete with my finger prints) that gets pulled every time I travel to the UK...
So you're moving abroad... contact this place: http://www.globalvisas.com/
Contact them before you do anything else. They will gather your information, and get a price quote for you. It is expensive, but it is worth it. The visa application cost is over $1,000, you will pay the company over $1,000 but they will make sure you get everything right the first time, so you don't have to repeatedly apply, coming up with $1300 every time. The government is poor and they have to make their money somehow... they would love nothing better than to deny your application and make you try again... and pay again. Do not try to do it yourself!
Once you have your visa back, are you going to move all your things? Are you going to sell everything and purchase them again once you get over there?? I am not going to do that... It has taken me years to collect all the things I own, I want to keep them... after spending the summer in Scotland, I also discovered that everything there is twice the price. You want to buy a value meal at burger king here? Sure! Here are your fries and a drink with a hamburger. That will be $5.00. You want a value meal there? Sure! Here are your fries and a drink with a hamburger, that will be 6 pounds... 6 pounds = about $10.00. Do you really want to pay $10 for burger king???
Everything is twice the price... here is the other thing... twice the price but... is it as good of quality? Is it better quality? I bought a french press here and sent in to my future in laws. It's a nice french press... works well every time. While in Scotland, I saw they sold french presses there, I purchased one since Paul doesn't have a coffee pot. (They used instant coffee... I know I know... what is that? I'll save that for a later blog) The french press was so cheaply made the mesh started to rust, and the pressing part kept coming apart. I was not impressed with my expensive item. I wanted to buy a blender, but I didn't want to spend 50 pounds on a blender, I purchased a hand held blender instead for 14 pounds (around $25) depends on what you're blending... and it has one setting - baby food consistency. don't try to mash potatoes or make a fruit smoothie, or really most things you want a blender for when using a hand blender... not until you've had a lot of practice as they can be tricky.
George Foreman grill... um I couldn't go a whole summer without one, it was worth the purchase price of a billion dollars... just kidding. 58 pounds, so over $100 dollars for the smallest George Foreman made without removable plates. My family George Foreman with removable plates was $40. I am purchasing a transformer (our voltage is 120, theres is 220... enough to stop the heart of any American appliance... don't plug it in with just a converter, you need a transformer) and then I am taking my kitchen appliances and everything else with me!
But how do you move your things over seas? does U-Haul have boats?? Um... I don't think so... this was tricky for me to, but I finally found a place and it's not as expensive as you would think! (I hope, I don't think I will have to pay any tariffs or taxes when it gets to the UK) http://www.intlmovers.com/ this place will find companies who do moves in your area. I'm using a company called Echo Transworld Inc. To move my entire 2 bedroom apartment (I know my ENTIRE apartment [note sarcasm]) I am paying $3,004. It takes 5 weeks and they pick up your stuff, packing all your furniture in cardboard, and then deliver it to your door unpacking and setting up furniture that needs assembly.
Moving pets.
This part... I'm still searching. I have an East Asian Box turtle. I have had him for so long that he is now considered an endangered species. He wasn't when a friend purchased him at a pet store don't worry) I cannot simply release him into the wild, and I don't trust anyone I know to take good care of him. How in the world do I move an endangered reptile to Scotland? Well....I will let you know... the one company I have talked to gave me a quote of $3500, if it's even possible, so we'll see about that... let me know if you know how. I would love to keep my money, and my turtle!

A Few Things Are Different

In my two year relationship with Paul, we have spent approximately 8 months together. This is not a long time. By no means should anyone EVER take relationship advice from me!
However, in the 8 months that we have spent together, I feel as though if there truly is one person out there for everyone, Paul was the one person made for me.
When we are together, the best way to describe my life with him is all the time I spent as a child playing pretend with dolls, pretending I was a wife and mom, with an imaginary husband, and everything was perfect... that is how life is with Paul. All my childhood dreams come to life with one person.
A few things are different I suppose. When I was little, my husbands name was always Mark. I thought that was a very grown up husbandy name, and since I never had any boys to play house with me, my husband Mark was usually away at war... he also didn't have a Scottish accent... and we didn't live in Scotland...
It's fun for me to think of the differences in our cultures.
Upon meeting Paul's family for the first time I tried to google American vs Scottish cultural differences... ya know I didn't want to do something stupid and make his family think I was just some silly American that didn't belong with their son.
The only thing I found was that they never put their knife down when they eat. The cut with the right hand and eat with the left where as most Americans switch the fork back and forth between hands and put their knife on the edge of their plate when it's not in use. That didn't seem so bad...I can eat while holding my knife!
They speak English over there, but not like we do here.
For example:
Wee = Little or small
Tea = Dinner
Cuppa = Tea (I know its a little confusing...)
Que = Line
Road Works = Road Construction
Cheers = Thank you
Nappy= diaper
Pram=Stroller
Wibbley=Jell-o
Row=Yell
Cot=Crib
Bonnie=Pretty
Jab= Shots (immunizations)
Moterway =Interstate
"The Shops" = Store
Ta = Thank You
Shattered = really tired
knackered =  tired
poofy = gay
rubber = eraser
fizzy drink = pop
barens = kids
weeuns- babies
tattie= potato
filum=movie
Pavement = sidewalk
on offer = on sale
oven chips - oven french fries

Just to name a few... I typically find these words out as I misuse them, but it's hard to keep a lot of them straight... I never meant to insult Paul by telling him his hair was "poofy".
Some things I will definitely need to get use to...
* driving on the other side of the road....
* stores closing at 5 every day... except Thursdays where they are open until 8 I think
* 20% tax on goods
* buying gas by the liter
* No wal-mart
* no Taco Johns
* no McGriddles at McDonald's
* no Graham Crackers
* no Hazelnut coffee Creamer

I think I will be OK though! :D I will be with Paul <3

How Did I Get Here?

I am 27 years old, and at 19 I married my college boyfriend.  It was a bit of a whirlwind romance as we met the first day of school and married 10 months later. Unfortunately during the course of our six year marriage we were both very unhappy. I gained a large amount of weight, and went from a size 8 when we met to a size 24. When I discovered that medical problems associated with my weight gain had caused me to be unable to have children, I was determined to get back into shape. I worked out several hours a day, and exercised self control while eating and in 9 months lost 90 pounds.

As my weight went downhill, so did my marriage. My husband became very insecure and finally confided in me one day that he would intentionally sabotage any weight loss efforts I had because he knew I was out of his league but thought if I was fat, no one else would want me. In this confession, he accused me of being unfaithful, and admitted his own infidelity, hoping that his admission would force me to “come clean” and then we could be on “even playing fields.” I had not been unfaithful to my husband and his admission devastated me. I thought with time I could forgive him and we could move on, but in his guilt he became a new mean person trying to justify his unfaithfulness because I “got fat” and because I “wasn’t a good house keeper” or because I “didn’t finish college.” Exposing my biggest insecurities day after day became too much for me and we separated. A year later we divorced.

A few months after our separation, I had lost 128 pounds and I was happier than I had been in years. I decided to treat myself to a vacation to Germany to visit my sister. While there I wanted to see as much of the world as possible! I was ecstatic when my sister gifted me a ticket to Edinburgh for a week.

Upon my arrival in Scotland, I found myself growing incredibly depressed. The city of Edinburgh was so beautiful!

Every building looked like an enchanted castle made all the more mysterious by the beautiful mist that hung in the air each morning. I couldn’t believe that I didn’t have anyone to share this with; I went back to my hotel room at 5:30 that night and went to sleep thinking it was going to be a long, lonely week. I woke up the next day with new resolve and after a cup of coffee; I was ready to face the world!

 I booked myself the very last ticket on a tour bus to Loch Ness. I hurried to drink the last bit of my coffee before they would let me on the bus and that is when I met Paul. He's not the kind of guy I would have normally picked out of a crowd, but that is exactly what I did. I saw him amidst a group of people and found myself thinking "I hope he talks to me!" When he did, I was instantly turned into a silly 12 year old girl who couldn't stop giggling as we spoke. I don’t know what it was about him, but I found myself being more attracted to him than anyone I had ever seen before. When I got on the bus I looked for him but didn’t see him, so I sat down next to a woman from Germany and settled into my bus seat ready for a nap on the way. I was surprised then when I heard a voice come over the intercom talking about the history of Edinburgh, pointing out famous bridges, famous homes, historical battlefield sites… the hours flew by as this voice made History come alive!  From my seat I tried to see who was captivating me so, and I thought it was the bus driver; a bigger man is his late 50’s or early 60’s. I vowed that I would offer to buy him a drink at lunch and tell him how much I appreciated his stories. I was surprised then when I got off the bus for our first stop and saw Paul outside the bus answering question for people. I instantly recognized his voice as that of the tour guide.

When we arrived at Loch Ness I was disappointed to find that the tickets for the Loch Ness boat tour were sold out, Paul felt really bad about it and asked me if he wanted to see if there was a local boat that would take me out instead. I said thank you, but asked if he wouldn’t mind showing me around the banks of Loch Ness instead, in the city of Fort Augustus.  He seemed excited to do so and asked if I wanted to grab a drink first. We stopped in a local pub and ended up talking the entire two hours allotted at the Loch. Every stop after, lunch we were inseparable. I noticed when other girls would ask to get their picture taken he would stand politely next to them with his arms at his sides, but when he took pictures with me, he would put his arm around my waist, and it made me wonder if he was as in to me as I was into him.

When the tour was over and we exchanged email addresses I couldn't wait to get back to my hotel and email him.  We got together later that week for drinks.  Drinks turned into dinner, which turned into more drinks afterwards. I stayed out so late I ended up missing my shuttle back to my hotel, so Paul offered a cab as he was going in that direction anyway. The night ended with a kiss outside my hotel, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it for days.

 Upon my return to Germany, we continued emailing almost daily and talking on messenger. I've never really been one for these "internet relationships" but a good friendship was developing quickly this way. While in Germany my sister convinced me it would be fun for me to live there for a while, as we're very close, and with her husband deployed to Iraq, she welcomed the company. I got a job working with the department of defense, but I needed to return to the US to bring back more things as my visit had changed to me living there. A week before my return to the US, Paul came to Germany for a short visit.

While there I drug him around to different historical sites in Germany I had been anxious to see, one being a castle that was close by.

I realize castles probably aren’t a very big deal to anyone living in Europe as... well they are everywhere, but the US, being a fairly new country, doesn't have castles, so I find them beautiful, fascinating, exciting and definitely romantic. The day we visited Hohenzollern was absolutely beautiful! The sun was shining, the birds were singing...it was the kind of amazing day where magic happens and you find yourself falling in love. Paul's marriage had ended a little over a year ago, and with one year out of the way he only had 1 more to go before he was allowed to file for divorce in the UK. However, anyone who has been through a divorce knows that it’s not just a simple act of filing paper work; it feels almost like a death. It is in a way I suppose... the death of your marriage... and while you eventually get over the hurt of such a relationship ending, it makes you much more careful who you entrust your heart with in the future. Several weeks later on my return to Germany, I made a short pit stop in Scotland to visit Paul in honor of his mother’s birthday.

I had a wonderful time meeting his family and his incredible daughter who was seven at the time. Truth be told I probably have more in common with most 5 year old girls than people my own age. My favorite color is "sparkles", my favorite animal is a unicorn, and I don't care what anyone says, Hannah Montana Rocks! His daughter and I got along fabulously playing all sorts of pretend games about unicorns, coloring pictures,  

and singing and dancing to Hannah. The week I was there Paul told me for the first time that he loved me, that he had been in love with me since the day we had spent at Hohenzollern, but he wanted to be sure of his feelings before saying anything. He wanted to make sure he wasn't just caught up in the moment. Even with a huge smile on my face I felt tears blurring my vision because for the first time in my life, I felt like I was hearing those words from someone who TRULY meant them. We spent an amazing week together before I returned to Germany.  

I found I enjoyed my job, but my sister’s husband had returned from Iraq and the house was beginning to feel a bit small.  I also wanted to see where this new relationship would go, and I knew living in separate countries would not be conducive to a healthy relationship for long. Even so my relationship with Paul was growing stronger by the day even with the distance, and so we talked about the possibility of me coming to live in Scotland. I thought an Au Pair job would be perfect. It would provide me with a job, a place to live and a small income. When I tried to find out what the visa requirements were I read that as an American I could go into the UK on a six month tourist visa. Once I was there and had found a job I could apply from the UK for the correct type of working visa. I bought a plane ticket to Edinburgh planning to do a few interviews with some families. When asked at customs what I was going to be doing in Scotland I said " working." This was apparently the wrong answer as I could not produce a working visa. They denied me entrance and sent me back to Germany. I was completely devastated and horribly embarrassed. I hadn't tried to do anything wrong. After being denied entrance into the UK they now consider me an immigration risk, and every time I visit Paul I have to prove with return tickets, letters from my work, class schedules, an apartment lease, bank statements and other official paper work that proves I am not planning on living there or working there. On one such trip I returned back to Germany, to discover the exciting news that Paul and I were expecting a baby together!

We were both ecstatic and yet our news was quickly made bittersweet knowing the difficulty I would have even to go to Scotland for a short visit. With my travelers insurance not covering prenatal care I had to return to the US. Paul and I talked daily on Skype where I would show him my growing tummy and the baby book I worked on, and from six time zones away I kept him updated on all my prenatal checkups.

Technology is an amazing thing, but it's nothing to being able to hold Paul's hand during an ultra sound, or put his hand on my tummy to feel the baby kicking, to feel his arms around me when I worry after reading about some horrible thing that could go wrong during a pregnancy. It's nothing to being able to talk with him face to face, see him smile and laugh, or cuddle up next to him on the couch while he watches football.

I began to have some complications and 29 weeks into my pregnancy I was placed on 7 weeks of bed rest. It was an incredibly difficult time for me and going through it alone was devastating. Many nights were spent crying over my computer as I desperately searched for ways we could be together as a family. The obvious answer was for us to get married, but with Paul’s divorce taking so long, that wasn’t an option for us. We didn’t really know where to turn or what to do, and months of speaking to immigration lawyers had gotten us nowhere. In fact one such lawyer told us "I don't know what to tell you. Nothing like this has ever happened before." And with Paul's daughter in Scotland, there was no way he could move here.

In April our son Isaac was born. He was perfect and beautiful and loved by family all over the world, but I couldn’t help feeling horrible guilt every time I looked at his sweet face.

When Isaac was 6 weeks old we flew to Stuttgart Germany where Amy and Paul met us. Brother and sister got to meet each other for the first time. Amy was so excited to be a big sister!  Poor little guy had no idea he was born into a family where he wouldn’t get to see his dad or his sister much of the time, he would be going back and forth from America and Scotland with no place to really call home.

From Germany we flew to Scotland. Isaac and I were able to spend the whole summer there making friends and going places, but most importantly, spending time with Daddy, and Amy!

In November Paul came to South Dakota for a short visit, and a few weeks later I went out to Scotland for my Thanksgiving Vacation. Isaac stayed in Scotland with his dad for 3 weeks until I returned for Christmas Vacation.

Upon my arrival in Scotland Paul and Isaac were both feeling slightly under the weather, and I promptly caught their flu like symptoms. I felt nausiated 24 hours a day and was throwing up, but ironically food made me feel slightly better most of the time... and then sometimes the thought made me feel terrible.

While there, Paul took me out for a nice dinner at the restaurant he had taken me to on our first date. I tried to set aside my nausia and have a wonderful time. While being serendaded by two buzzcurs, Paul got down on his knee and asked me to be his wife. I of course said yes!

While buying some medication, the pharmacist informed me I shouldn't take the meds if I was pregnant. I told her I wasn't but would take the test just in case.

When I saw those two little lines appear on that pregnancy test, I panicked... So did my boyfriend. Just in case my daughter reads this blog one day, I'm not going to to into lots of detail of the shock we felt, but I will say that shock was felt for a little while, and now we're in less shock, and awaiting the birth of our little girl.

Soon I will begin packing my apartment, and I will make my move overseas... Beginning my new life with the love of my life. A few months after that We will be a family of five.

The last three years of my life have been out of control, and the most amazing I have lived so far. I have a feeling that they are going to grow even more amazing as I watch my children grow up, and as Paul and I grow old.

I don't know how I got here, but I'm glad I'm here. I wouldn't trade this place for anything.