Having a Scottish Wedding

So, the ball is really rolling now...
In less than three weeks I will be living in Scotland. My apartment is becoming more and more packed and hectic, and wedding plans are moving forward.
In the last week or so, Paul and I have decided that because of the lack of participation on my family's part it would be pointless to have the wedding in the spring. So our civil ceremony on the 24th has turned into a wedding in July instead.
Throwing together a nice wedding is never really easy, but if David Tutera can do it, then so can I!
Now... here in the states, getting married is fairly simple. Each state is a little different, but this is the basic process. Here in South Dakota, you go to the court house or register of deeds in the country you want to get married in. You pay $40 for a marriage license that needs to be used within 20 days. There is no waiting period. So once you have your license you can get married right away. In order to get your marriage license you have to bring a valid ID, like a drivers license, military ID card, or birth certificate. After you get married the person who married you, judge, or anyone authorized by the church or state to marry you has 10 days to turn in the signed marriage license or there will be no record of your marriage.
Simple right? Once you have your license you can get married in the court house, in a church in that county, in a home in that country, in a park, in a parking lot, or restaurant or wherever...
Not so in Scotland.
This is what we have done so far.
Paul called the General Registry office in Livingston last January to book a tentative date. We needed a receipt from the Registry office in order to get my visa. As the time grew closer, we were going to have the civil ceremony and I was planning a wedding on board the Lord of the Glen on Loch Ness next spring. Then Paul informed me how sad his mother was that they wouldn't be there for the ceremony as they had already planned a trip to Spain for the 24th. (Super Jealous!)
In any case two weeks ago Paul went to the Hermitage outside of Dunkeld and sent me some beautiful pictures! I have been there several times before, but it is especially beautiful this year.

 The first time I saw it I thought it would be a gorgeous place for a wedding. After seeing the pictures Paul took (Note: These aren't them, I got these off google because I haven't uploaded the ones Paul sent me, but his are even better then these because the trees are all flowering on them, it the colors are just really beautiful!) I thought, "Why not see if we can tie the knot in Dunkeld?" It would make the day really beautiful without adding much of a cost... as you can see the place takes no decorations, and is a lot prettier than the inside of a court room. I asked Paul who said he would check. When he called he found out that not only could we not get married in Dunkeld, because you have to get married at an "approved venue" plus a bunch of other paper work that made it impossible, but also that the Registry office had been sending him notices to his old address requesting some forms that needed to be turned in by June 1. With such a short time period, Paul and I talked it over and thought "Lets push the date back, so we don't have to feel rushed" also, we can invite Paul's parents as well.

I talked to my family members, and with so much going on, and the economy being such as it is, no one could say for sure if they could come...so we decided not to do anything this spring and have a small wedding in July, and then have a small reception at the Inn on board the a Canal Boat that floats up and down the Union Canal.

The Inn

 

When Paul called to change the wedding date, The registry office said they were already booked for that day, we thought about changing the date again, but I will be 32 weeks then, and I feel like 31 weeks is pushing it, I'm already tired as all get out at 27 weeks, and I want to be able to dance at my wedding and not have my water break! We saw that the Inn is a licensed wedding venue, so we asked the Livingston office if we could get married at the Inn instead. They said that wasn't in their district, we would have to contact the Registry office in Edinburgh instead.

So I called Edinburgh, and they have four Registry workers available to marry us that day, as apparently they are the only ones licensed to marry you... which is kind of sad I think. Seems to me like that makes it so impersonal... but.. oh well... in any case, I called them and they have 4 people available to marry us on the 16th, but in order to get married, We have to book the Inn, get something called an AT1 form from them. Fill it out and both Paul and I have to sign and send it in. That's easier said then done since I am still in the states. Then I have to fill out two other documents, and provide them with both our original birth certificates as well as my original divorce documents so they can make sure that I am legally divorced in the UK, because sometimes the divorces here aren't found to be legal in the UK... which will super piss me off if that's the case. I'm assuming though that if the UK embassy gave me a finace' visa they found my divorce documents acceptable, so I'm not really worried. Then we have to pay another 280 pounds to the registry office in Edinburgh... I think we will probably end up eating the down payment Paul already put down at the Livingston office, but I guess that is how it goes... In any case... all this legal stuff is really irritating and makes planning a wedding incredibly tedious and miserable... which I assume is why anytime I talk to Paul about what we need to get done his eyes glaze over, his voice gets distant, and he acts about as excited as someone being forced into an arranged marriage before telling me that he can't listen to all this anymore because it's making his head spin... so I don't know... maybe we will get married... or maybe none of this stuff will get done and we will end up wasting time and money before I get sent back to America...

I'm not irritated at all right now...

The thing is we can't really start the fun stuff of the wedding, like what music we will have, flowers, and invitations, and all that until the stupid but necessary stuff gets done... even so, I've made some mock up invitations that I am quite proud of.

In any case, hopefully once all this boring, expensive legal stuff is taken care of, and we start planning the fun stuff I will feel like Paul wants to marry me again.

Ugh... My Aching Back

As I have previously stated in my Post of Isaac's Birth Story, people say you forget all about the pain of childbirth once you hold that precious little bundle in your arms. That is a dirty, ugly, vicious lie. I remember it all... it makes the pain WORTH it, you don't forget it... here is what you do forget about... well I did anyway.
The morning sickness, the swollen ankles, the sore back, the constipation, the tiredness, the intolerance for... well everything, but especially stupid people, and anyone who doesn't agree with you, the ice cream cravings, the hot dog cravings, and the nights of little or no sleep.
I had completely forgotten about that. If I had been talking to anyone about my pregnancy with Isaac I would have said "Except for the seven weeks of bedrest, I had the perfect pregnancy!"

I don't know if I've just forgotten the pain, or if this one is worse, but as much as I can remember of the last one... this one is worse.
The last few nights (granted I have been packing up my apartment and lifting heavy boxes, etc) my back has been in so much excruciating pain that I can hardly walk. I'm literally in tears trying to get from one room to the next.
That said... Here are two pictures to compare:

27 Weeks pregnant with Isaac

26 Weeks pregnant with Aria

It might be a little bit difficult to tell with these pictures that my baby bump is about 5 inches bigger this time around than it was with Isaac. I was still wearing size 12 non maternity jeans in the picture with Isaac... so being so much bigger, and about 40 pounds heavier, I can see why I am having back problems... The problem with my back goes much further than just the pain in my back though....

I feel like a terrible mother to Isaac right now. I physically can't get down on the floor to play with him, and when I do... I REALLY pay for it later. I can't pick him up easily... or hold him while walking around, or chase him around, and it just kills me inside to have to say "I'm sorry Isaac, mommy can't pick you up." or "Mommy needs to rest." He just looks so crushed like "Don't you love me?? Don't you want to play with me??"

I really thought I would be a better mother than I am. I really hoped that all the nights of crying myself to sleep because I was this worthless barren woman would turn me into a mother who went all out for her kids, no matter the sacrifice, and no pain was too large to keep me from having fun with my kids...

I want to be that mom that is a lot of fun, that makes the best lunches, that all their friends want to come hang at our house because I make it cool... probably just saying that makes me a bit of a loser, but I can't help it... I need to change this pattern, but I need to do something about my back....all my back pain went away immediately after I had Isaac... but I don't want to have to wait three months for Aria to be here before I can be a good mom again... because by that time I will have another baby that will take all my attention... My poor little Isaac... he really got the short stick... The first year of his life was spent without his dad here, and the second nine months of his life was spent with a pregnant mother who is also a student, who just cant seem to stretch my time and my strength and energy to do much more than sit with him and read him books.... the rest of his life will be spent as the middle child with all the attention going to the baby... He deserves a way better life that this.  

It Suddenly Hit Me!

Paul and I were discussing our plans for what I have effectionately coined "The 24th". This is when we are officially getting married, however I don't want to say "the wedding" or even use the term "Getting Married" because we're "supposedly" having a wedding this spring, ya know, when I'm thin again, and my family and friends can come out for it... So we were discussing "The 24th" and "the 24th" is looking like it might be pushed back a little bit for several reasons.

1st being that there is apparently a bunch of paperwork that we didn't know about that has to be in by the first, original documents signed by myself and Paul.... except that I won’t be there until the 9th.

2nd being that Paul's parents will be out of the country for a few weeks over the 24th. They would really like to be there, and I would really like them to be able to come, however I have been telling myself that this date isn't really a big deal because our "real wedding" is going to be next spring, when everyone can be there and I'm skinny.

However, while discussing "the 24th", a subject that usually makes me giddy all over, today, it suddenly hit me.

We're not going to have a wedding in the spring. None of my family except for my sister and her husband and my parents are even attempting to attend. If all of Paul's family and friends come to this one, they probably won’t come to the "real wedding"... so this is it... This courtroom ceremony with none of my friends, and none of my family, and I'm going to be pregnant and fat and ugly.

I look at myself in the mirror right now, and no matter how hard I try to make myself up, do my hair, and my make up, and pick my clothes out carefully, I can't seem to look at myself and say "I look good today." I just look fat and ugly, and Paul is going to see me in four weeks and thing "Whoa... she got fat... THIS is not the woman I asked to marry Me." and his friends who already don't like me are going to meet me for the first time and thing "Whoa... Paul is really slumming it with this one... We tried to talk him out of it..."

I bought a dress to wear... This is me trying it on in the store:

When I saw this dress at the store I knew it was exactly the style I was looking for. Simple, elegant, didn't hide my pregnancy, but didn't embellish it either. When I tried it on in front of my friend she said "This is the Dress!" I agreed. I told her I didn't feel real comfortable with my bare arms showing, but that I thought I could match the material with a shawl or shrug.

I later tried it on for my mother who just loved it. She raved and raved about how beautiful the dress was and how much she loved it. I think she likes this dress better than the wedding dress I wore when I married Josh.

I am so excited about this dress...in fact if I weren’t pregnant I would probably go with a similar style for my "real wedding." What makes it even better is I got it for an AMAZING price. I sent a picture of it to a good friend of mine and this was the reply I got: "Hmm... not really a fan of the dress, just not sure I like the style for your figure. Afraid you won’t be happy with it, but if you’re ok in it, that's all that matters!"

I realize she meant well... but... she has absolutely no idea how her text message has not only made me feel insecure in my hideously fat body, but trampled on the little bit of joy I did feel about the dress. I felt pretty when I wore it... now... I feel... grotesquely ugly, no matter what I'm in... Ya know, just how every bride should feel... 

Isaac's Birth Story

With my son being close to 13 months old and my daughter being about 3 months away from being born herself, I feel it is about time to write Isaac's birth story. I love to tell it, I just haven't written it down. It's time.

The months leading up to Issac's birth were difficult for me. Paul was living over seas, so I spent the majority of my pregnancy alone. At 29 weeks I was put on bed rest for 7 weeks due to some preterm labor issues.
I was already dilated 3 cm, so I spent that time worrying if I would have a premature baby, and if Paul would miss the birth of our first child together.

Paul came out about 1 week before Isaac's due date. He had to leave to go home on the 16th, so once he arrived, we were walking and eating the spiciest foods around to try and encourage labor. The days passed and nothing worked. A few days before my due date, a friend told me she had drank 1/4 cup of balsamic vinegar and that sent her into labor within 3 hours. I tried and and it sent me throwing up in the toilet for about 3 hours. My due date was approaching and so was the date Paul was leaving and I was very aware that Paul was going to be able to spend less and less time with his new born son. My doctor said she would induce me the Monday after my due date if I hadn't had the baby yet. I really didn't want to be induced as I had planned for a natural labor, and women who are induced tend to have more difficult labors.
I had a concert on my due date. So the night before, Paul and I had driven down to Sioux City for a rehearsal with the orchestra. We arrived back to Vermillion around 10:00. I made some tea for us, and turned on friends. "The one where Rachel has a baby"
Paul went through to the bed room to get comfortable before the show started, and I was getting the tea ready when I felt an ache in my stomach. I had to hold onto the table to wait for it to pass, and while doing so noticed the time on the microwave. 10:24.
I thought I was having gas pains, so I went into the bedroom and took a Rolaids. While watching friends, I felt the same pain a few more times and thought "could this be contractions?" I had never had a contraction before, not even 1 braxton hick, and my doctor told me "You'll know when you're in labor!" I decided that these were just gas pains made worse my the power of suggestion due to Rachel being in labor on TV.
between episodes, I went to use the bathroom thinking maybe that might help. on my way there I had another really strong gas pain that stopped me in my tracks on the way to the bathroom. I was holding onto the bed and the dresser waiting for it to pass when Paul came into the bedroom and said "Why are you standing here, alone in the dark?" I didn't know what to say. If it really was just gas, I didn't want to tell him I was having gas pains, and I didn't want to tell him I might be having contractions either, just in case it was false labor. I said "I'm just standing here... in the dark."
Paul looked at me and said "Don't get weird." then walked out of the room.
I wanted to cry... I wasn't trying to be weird! I was trying to act normal... it wasn't working. I walked into the living room and said "I think I might be in labor. I think I've been having contractions for about an hour."
He took it pretty well. He didn't seem to panic like all the guys do in the movies, but at this point I don't think either one of us were convinced I was actually in labor. I tried to call my mom and my sister-in-law, but neither one answered their phones, so I texted them, but got to reply.
Paul thought we should time the contractions... and even though we had both attended prenatal classes, and this was Paul's second child, but neither one of us knew how to time contractions, so we had to google it.
The contractions we lasting six minutes, and then thirty seconds... and sometimes they would be ten minutes apart, and then 3 minutes apart. They were all over the place. I said "I don't think this is real labor." and Paul thought maybe we should call the hospital just in case. I didn't really want to so I tried my mom again. This time she answered and told me to get some rest. If I was still having contractions in an hour, then to call her again.
So, Paul and I went to bed, and I fell asleep. I would wake up when I had a contraction, breathe through it with Paul holding me tight and when it was over, I would fall right back to sleep.
Paul finally said that he didn't think the contractions were going away. I called my mom again, but she didn't answer. Paul finally convinced me to let him call the hospital. When I told them that the contractions weren't consistent they said it probably was false labor but to go ahead and come in anyway.
I was kind of annoyed. It was just after 3am, and I had a concert in Sioux City the next day that I was going to be exhausted for after going into the hospital for a few hours, them saying I wasn't really in labor and then being sent home. I live in vermillion, so it's a good 45 minutes to the hospital, but at this point Paul was starting to talk really fast hurrying to get dressed and get our things in the car. He was saying "There's no need to panic, we just need to stay calm, and everything is going to be fine." I think it was sweet that he was trying to comfort me, but I think he was really trying to comfort himself, because I wasn't worried at all. I knew I wasn't going to have a baby anytime soon.
On the way to the hospital, I was enjoying the view of the clear starry night through the moon roof. I had a few contractions on the way, and where they weren't comfortable, I said to Paul "I don't know why all those women complain, this isn't so bad."
Paul just kept his mouth shut... which is good because I'm sure God up in heaven was looking down on me laughing saying "Oh YEAH????"
When we arrived at the hospital, a male nurse wheeled me upstairs to the labor and delivery room. He joked with us on the way saying he could usually call it when people were in with real or false labor, and said he would probably see us the next time we came to check in.

Once in the room, the nurse gave me a gown to check in and asked if I wanted anything to drink. I asked for some orange juice, then they hooked up a monitor, right in the middle of a contraction. The nurse said, "Wow, you're having a big one right now." I managed a painful smile and breathed out, "Yeah, you're right." She monitored me for about 20 minutes before saying "You're really in labor, so we'll check you quick, and see where you're at."
six hours of labor and I was only dilated 4 cm... which since I had already been dilated 3 cm, that meant only 1 cm in six hours. I knew it was going to be a long labor.... at that rate, I would be there for days.
The nurse encouraged us to get up and walk around for a little bit which honestly was the last thing I really wanted to do, but I knew it would help in the long run, so I got unhooked and hopped out of bed, and we went walking.
The OB ward of the hospital is shaped like a big T. The nurses station is right where the T comes together at the top, and my room was on the right side of the top of the T. I had a contraction at the nurses station before turning down the tall part of the T. I had another contraction half way down the hallway, then again 3/4 of the way, and then another at the very end. Each contraction, Paul held me and we "danced through" the contraction. He was so great, and so supportive. If I hadn't been so uncomfortable, it would have been really romantic. After reaching the end of the hallway, we began our slow journey back up, but I was having contractions every couple of steps. By the time we reached the nurses station again they were really coming one right behind the other. I said "Paul, I don't want to walk anymore." He said "I know, honey, but the nurses really want you to. Lets just go down this last hallway, and then we'll go back to the room." I said OK, and we headed down the left side of the top of the T, we didn't make it very far though before I said "I can't I want to go lay down." This time he said OK, and we slowly walked and danced and contracted back to my room. I've never been so happy to see a bed. The nurse came back in and checked me again and in less then 200 minutes I had gone from 4 cm to 9 cm dilated and fully effaced. She said she would go call the doctor, and I decided to just hang out in the room.
Paul and I had been so sure that we were going to be sent home that we hadn't even bothered to bring our bags in. I didn't have my birthing plan or anything that I wanted with me. Paul asked if he wanted me to go get it but at this point, I didn't want him to be anywhere but right at my side, so that's where he stayed.

 As long as I had a few minutes, even seconds between contractions I was OK. I could catch my breath, calm my nerves, and be ready for the next one, although I couldn't help saying "Oh no!" or "Not again!" Each time a new one would start. At one point, I began to throw up during a contraction. WHILE I was vomiting up my orange juice (which was awful... orange juice... not fun to throw up... it burns!) the nurse smiles and says "I knew you were going to throw up as soon as you asked for orange juice!" I didn't find this as entertaining as she did and shouted "Why did you give me orange juice then???"
Another contraction hit, and I threw up again... really violently... I felt water streaming down my legs, and when the contraction had subsided I said "I either just wet myself, or my water broke." She looked and said, "Congratulations! Your water broke!"
At this point I was in full on labor, there was no "between contractions" anymore. They were coming at me one on top of the other. I couldn't catch my breath, I couldn't even say "Oh no!" when a new one would start... I cried, and I screamed a little bit remembering the mothers from the video's that I watched on natural child births who would also scream. I remembered mentally poking fun at them and how undignified they were, vowing that I was going to make cute birthing noises if it killed me. Yeah.... I was worse than any of those mothers... I screamed like a tortured baby.
At one point during two contractions hitting me at the same time I thought "Maybe I should have gotten an epidural". I had watch a video with a woman who had gotten an epidural though and the needle was about the size of a coffee straw! NO JOKE! They have to put this tub into your skin, and then put this 8 inch long needle into the tube so they put the needle in the right place in your spine! Yeah, one thought of that needle and the contractions didn't seem so bad all of a sudden. As if to read my mind, the nurse said "You're almost there now. It's too late for any drugs, and your baby will be here soon!"
I wasn't comfortable in any position, and just kept turning and turning on the bed... the most comfortable position for me was on my hands and knees, so that's where I would be during a contraction. being hooking up to a monitor and an IV made this difficult... I finally was ripping at the monitor and where in my head I am sure I said "This is very uncomfortable, would you mind removing the monitor for me until it is absolutely needed?" what actually came out was "Get this off me!!!"
The nurse took it off and I felt much better but couldn't seem to get rid of this suffocating feeling that my clothes and the bed were causing me. There was a fan in the room, and when it would blow up the back of my open hospital gown cooling off everything.... down there.... and that felt so good!
A nurse came in and said "Your mom is here, do you want to cover up with a sheet?" I felt the fan, and thought about the sheet and looked behind me to see my bare butt up in the air and said "No... she's seen it before."
My mom came in and I whimpered "It hurts mom" and she said "I know but you're doing great!" I heard the nurse tell her aid "I need you to get me the orange gloves with the grips." and I thought, my doctor isn't going to make it in time.
Then the nurse said "If you feel the need to push now, it's OK to push." Really... I didn't ever feel the urge to push, but I wondered if maybe pushing would help relieve some of the pressure.... It didn't really... in fact, I think I might have even been trying to push, but it wasn't really working.
About 3 minutes after my mom arrived Dr. Danner arrived, and said to go ahead and push with the next contraction. I was still on my hands and knees but nothing really happened in that position. She said it might be easier for me to push if I was sitting up right with my legs in the stirrups.
I turned and the bed was propped up a bit more to where I was in a somewhat reclined position, with my legs up, and I pushed with the next contraction.
The doctor said she could see the head. I'm sure at this point Paul wanted to look, but...
Did you KNOW that the majority of women fart, poop, and pee while pushing the baby out??? Paul and I aren't that close yet, and just in case I was one of those women... I didn't really want Paul to see all that, we're not that close yet...but he was so understanding and great about it. As it is... I really don't know if I did any of those things... If I had to guess I would say no... but there's a lot going on down there, and it's would have been hard to tell if I had.
With the next contraction the head was out. She said "Stop pushing now."
One of my concerns was that Isaac might have his chord wrapped around his neck. I knew that doctors stopped you at this point to clean out the mouth, and unwrap the chord if it's there. When she had me stop I said "Is he OK???" The doctor said "He's fine. We'll push the rest of the body out with the next contraction. A moment later I was pushing again, and then relief! He was out! He looked purple and had such dark hair, and then he was on my tummy and I was holding this gooey, bloody, screaming baby in my arms.

The doctor rubbed him down with a blanket to clean him up some and then the doctor asked Paul if he wanted to cut the umbilical chord. Paul went and cut it, and then a nurse took the baby to be weighed and measured and cleaned up while I delivered the placenta. The doctor massaged my stomach and the thing just sort of... plopped out. I remember saying "That's not comfortable" and then it was done. Dr Danner continued to massage my stomach to ebb some of the bleeding.

Isaac was wrapped in a blanket with a diaper on and handed back to me. About that time my brother and Sister-In-Law and their two kids arrived to see the new baby. we all took turns holding him before Liz encouraged me to try and nurse him right away. Then everyone was ushered into my nursery suite. I didn't get much sleep that day because I wanted to just look at my baby all day.

 He was so much cuter than I ever imagined and I was surprised at how cute I thought he was. I was prepared to love my baby no matter what he looked like and had prepared myself for an ugly baby... but he wasn't! He was perfect. Isaac slept most of that day, and was up most of that night. I had wanted to room in with him, but at 4 that morning I had been up for almost 3 days and a nurse finally came in and asked if I wanted them to take him to the nursery and they would bring him back when it was time to eat. I felt a little guilty, but I was glad for the nurses help. I got about three hours of the most amazing sleep and then I was ready to be a mom again!

I stayed in the hospital three days before they released us. In that time, Isaac had all his new born shots and tests, and was circumcised. It was pretty traumatic for me, but apparently Isaac slept through the procedure.

 On Isaac's third day of life we were released around 4:00pm where we went to my moms for a "Welcome to the world Party" for Isaac.

It's hard to believe that was a year ago, and what an amazing year it has been... It's scary and daunting to think I'm going to be going through all this again in three months time, and even though being a mom can be very challenging, I know I will have Paul to help me, and I'm excited about all the adventures the years to come will bring.